Cease your rescue attempts!

8

Harvest my connective tissues so that the Motherland may restock her glue reserves…

35 Responses to “Cease your rescue attempts!”

  1. Michael K says:

    It’s rarely known that “32″ in Russian literally translates to “so the Motherland may restock”!

  2. Gordski says:

    Great site but needs to have accurate translations done. Might be a valuable resource for learning some Russian. The photo captions are probably pretty funny in their own right. It doesn’t take much to amuse Am3rikans.

    Please, please, please translate.

  3. d says:

    In case you guys didn’t get it, it’s a joke.

  4. Sara Leigh says:

    I know, how can you not know this is a joke? Even my Russian speaking friends find this hilarious :)

  5. I would love to know the origin of this picture — I saw it once years back and I’ve been trying to find the original (uncaptioned) ever since.

  6. joanne mullen says:

    Gordski’s comment sums up why this site is funny. I live with a Russian girl and she has no sense of humour whatsoever. Anybody with a genetic ability to see irony ended up in the Gulag and so the trait died out.

  7. Fluent says:

    Ww Jnn, t s prvlg t wtch yr mnd wrk! Tll m, d y thnk th sm s tr fr th Jws wh dd nt nd p n Nz cncntrtn cmps, r d y stll dmt t sns f hmr n tht ntn vn f t wn’t lt y mk fn f thr hstry?

  8. nat says:

    So, what’s wrong with Gordski wanting the original translations? Of course the English captions are jokes – so, surely, are the Russian ones. It would be interesting to see them.

  9. Translation is:
    “Mikhailich! Give me the key to number 32″

  10. Neptune says:

    What the hell. I have more of a chance of actually learning to read Russian before Fluents comment.

  11. Magyar says:

    “Wow Joanne, it is [a] privelege to watch your mind work! Tell me, do you think the same is true for the Jews who did not end up in Nazi concentration camps, or do you still admit to [a] sense of humor in that nation[notion?] even if it won’t let you make fun of their history?”
    Translation of Fluents’ comment.
    Which I don’t understand

  12. Fluent Hater says:

    Fluent hates jews WTF he is a sick one he is.

  13. Monty says:

    ROFL @ Fluent Hater!

  14. Harold says:

    We, ugly Americans, sure do love to laugh – so long as its @ others’ expense. Someone hx0rz this site already. Lame.

  15. mzmadmike says:

    Laughs at Harold, the ugly American.

    Don’t worry. We attractive Americans will hide your shame.

  16. Tiffany says:

    “Should have made the left turn at Albuquerque!”

  17. Magyar says:

    Okay, I understand Fluent now. I don’t _think_ he’s antisemitic. Joanne said “Anybody with a genetic ability to see irony ended up in the Gulag and so the trait died out.”
    Fluent took this seriously, and replied as translated above. I believe he meant:
    “Do you think all Jews with a sense of humor were killed in concentration camps [because they don't like jokes about the holocaust]? Countries can still have a sense of humor even if they’re sensitive about their history.”

    Of course, the fact I understand that means that I apparently speak Comment fluently- a dubious accomplishment.

  18. Slarf says:

    Congrats Magyar!?!? Now for the hard part; can you teach a sense of humor to some of these flatliners?

  19. Groucho Smirnov says:

    \”Countries can still have a sense of humor even if they’re sensitive about their history”

    Yes, you can. The technical term is a “bad” sense of humor.

  20. blue says:

    In russia horse eats you!

  21. trinity67 says:

    This one is not funny. Horses falling into holes is not funny and saying you’ll make glue out of a horse is also not funny.

  22. Nyoxis says:

    trinity67 Says:
    February 19, 2009 at 9:13 am

    This one is not funny. Horses falling into holes is not funny and saying you’ll make glue out of a horse is also not funny.

    -Nay we mean no offence, we’re just horsing around.

  23. RUSSIAxUSA says:

    Uhm…guys…couldn’t you at least turn around while I take a crap?

  24. Bwahahaa! says:

    It certainly is funny! Come on, I don’t want to make a horse into glue any more than the next guy, but a lot of comedic value comes from stereotypes. Lighten up. As for literal translations, sure, they’d be nice, but it’d be a totally different kind of funny, I’m sure. Just like other countries make fun of Americans for our idiosyncracies, we do the same of them. It’s not because we want them to feel bad, it’s just (oh my God, dare I say it??) fun.

  25. Snowball's chance says:

    I WILL WORK HARDER! FOUR LEGS GOOD TWO LEGS BAD!

  26. Savvy says:

    Not to be the obnoxious person who’s in a russian class (because while I am, it’s only first-year so I don’t really know anything), but one random cultural thing my professor mentioned is the MASSIVE difference between russian and american humor. I mean, all cultures have variations but there’s a very large one with the russians and us, so no wonder everyone’s so confused here as to whether these translations/originals are actually funny…

  27. Throbert McGee says:

    @Anton Howes:

    Although “ключ” often translates as “key,” as in the small thing you unlock a door with, it can also mean “wrench” (or in UK English, a “spanner”), as in the large tool used by plumbers.

    So the caption actually says:

    “Mikhalych, hand me the size-32 wrench!”

  28. Norm says:

    How about, “The radiation levels are still high, comrade. I recommend you leave the flower and give your mother a framed picture of Beria, instead.”

  29. Christina says:

    “”Although “ключ” often translates as “key,” as in the small thing you unlock a door with, it can also mean “wrench” (or in UK English, a “spanner”), as in the large tool used by plumbers.

    So the caption actually says:

    “Mikhalych, hand me the size-32 wrench!””"

    WRONG! You are overlooking the use of the preposition ‘HA’ 32, FOR 32,
    key FOR 32. Your translation omits the word ‘HA’.

  30. Throbert McGee says:

    Christina, I’m guessing that you’re a beginning student of Russian. Why don’t you try typing the phrase “ключ на 32″ into Google Image search and seeing what kind of pictures it returns? To spare you the suspense: You’ll get pictures of wrenches/spanners. And how does one specify wrench sizes in Russian? With the preposition “на” followed by the appropriate number of millimeters.

  31. anon says:

    It makes a lot of sense, humor-wise, that a horse would pop out of a manhole to ask the other workers for an additional tool (the size-32 wrench) before popping down below again. I don’t know a thing about Russian humor, but that’s funny!

  32. Mikhalych says:

    Thanks Throbert, the wrench makes a lot more sense than the “key to number 32″ and is funnier than the English caption! Mind you, the horse’s expression works for either caption…

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  34. Eunice says:

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